In Defense of Kanye

Thank you for falling for my click bait. Now, here are a bunch of opinions that I believe should be documented as fact and entered in to the rock and roll hall of fame somehow. Preferably hand printed in gorgeous, swooping calligraphy on a scroll and encased in a giant glass box surrounded by velvet rope.

Kanye West is Kanye West. Does anyone not understand that Kanye West is Kanye West? Does his behavior shock anyone anymore? Well, if it does, it shouldn't. Get over it, people. Kanye West is never going to change.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about because you have been hiding from the internet for the past few days, here is a quick summary. Beck won Album of the Year for "Morning Phase" over Beyonce, who should have won (note: first fact disguised as opinion. There will be several more). While Beck was accepting his award, Kanye jumped up on stage. He didn't say anything, though Beck was amused by Kanye's presence (as he should have been. If I were in the middle of Kanye pulling a Kanye, I would be thrilled. It's hilarious.) and tried to get him to join him and say his thing. Kanye restrained himself, but explained later. Apparently, Kanye was pissed that Beck won, because he thought Beyonce should have won. (He was right. More fact disguised as opinion on that topic later.) He said something about how Beck needs to give his award to Beyonce and that Beck doesn't respect artistry. Not cool, Kanye. Still? Pretty hilarious. He also said some bullshit about how he didn't steal the mic from Beck because he didn't want to disrespect his daughter and/or his clothing line. See?? Hilarious!!

Beck's response was amazing. First of all, he said Kanye was RIGHT. That Beyonce SHOULD HAVE WON. Beck is so smart and so cool. I almost want to give him an award. Not for Album of the Year, but just for being awesome. He also said Kanye is a genius, and some other cool guy things. Look it up, I'm not a fucking news source.

Okay, so that's what happened. So why is this post called, "In Defense of Kanye"? Look dudes, I know he's an ass. Still? BECK SHOULD NOT HAVE WON THIS AWARD. Here are lots of facts to support that claim that may look like opinions. They're not! They're FACTS, people!

Firstly, the award was not for "Best Artist". The award was for "Album of the Year".

I have been a Beck fan for his entire career. I remember lying on my bed trying to transcribe the lyrics to "Soul Sucking Jerk" on Mellow Gold. That was about 20 years ago, and way before you could just google "soul sucking jerk lyrics" on the internet. I still listen to Midnight Vultures and Guero on a regular basis. Sea Change was released about a decade ago, and I remember being so grateful that Beck released something more emotionally charged, a darker, sadder album that resonated with me at the time.

Last year, he released Morning Phase, which he says is a companion piece to Sea Change. It's a good album. I personally do not love it, but as I stated in my original blog post with my predictions, I don't think the world needs another Sea Change. We got it anyway, and people like it. Cool. Beck is a great artist, and a great musician.

I have also been a fan of Beyonce for most of her career, mostly because I think that she is a great performer. I have never bought an album and listened to it on repeat, but I have enjoyed all of her hits, albeit mostly passively. There are a lot of songs that she has released that I really love.

But THIS album. THIS ONE. That she was nominated for? Remember? This is a phenomenal album. It is not like anything that Beyonce has done before. But not just Beyonce. ANYONE. She released a surprise record with fully produced videos for every song. NO ONE has EVER done that before. Beyond that, this album made a big impact in so many ways. This is a very feminist, sexually confident album that spoke to so many women. It broke the prior mold of Beyonce. She raps, she sings beautifully, she speaks openly about her sexual relationship with her husband, issues with monogamy, and even motherhood issues. This album is raw, emotional, completely unique. This album is groundbreaking. There are so many more things that I could say about it, but if you are a fan of the album, you know all of these things. If you are not, then you either haven't heard it, haven't heard it enough, you don't like the genre, or maybe you're just too uptight to handle the blatant sexuality of the album. Whatever.

Beck released a good album. Beyonce released a great album. Beyonce released the Album of the Year.

There are a lot of internet memes going around about how Beck is more of an artist. Pictures of Beyonce's list of songwriters to Beck's one songwriter: himself. The list of instruments that Beyonce plays vs. the number of instruments Beck plays. Aside from the fact that these memes are super judgmental and misleading, (Beyonce actually had a MUCH bigger hand in writing AND producing this album than the internet is giving her credit for, so all the bullshit about her not writing her own songs is just that. Bullshit.) they are also just completely inconsequential to the issue at hand. AGAIN. The debate is not Who is a Better Artist. The debate is Who Released the Album of the Year? And the factual answer to that, which may come across as opinion, is simple: BEYONCE. Beyonce released the Album of the Year *. Period.

So! Why didn't she win then? I mean, the people that vote for the GRAMMYs are the people who know the most about the music industry! Obviously they know what they're doing!! See: Macklemore winning Rap Album of the Year last year. FLAWLESS! (See what I did there?)

There are a lot of reasons why this could have happened. Here are some theories - all speculation.

1. Age. A lot of the voters are old white dudes.
2. Gender. A lot of the voters are old white DUDES.
3. Race. A lot of the voters are old WHITE dudes. (I mean, Macklemore over fucking KENDRICK LAMAR??? What is wrong with you people??)
4. The Split Vote. And you know what, I'm going to give the voters the benefit of the doubt and say that this is most likely the answer. A lot of Beyonce fans are also Pharrell fans are also Sam Smith fans. Shit, are also Ed Sheeran fans, honestly. (Though, come on. No way Ed Sheeran was gonna take that award home.) **

And there you have it. Kanye was right. He was also right about Taylor Swift and about George Bush not liking black people. Just admit it, people. Kanye is an ass hat, but he's not completely off base.

Now then! The rest of this post is where I boast about how good I am at predicting the GRAMMYs. Also, if you want to see who won stuff, here it is.

Record Of The Year

WINNER
Sam Smith -- "Stay With Me"
MY PREDICTION:
Sam Smith will probably take this, plus several more. As much as I hate to say it, T Swift SHOULD win. But the Sia song is my favorite one on this list.

Album Of The Year (Please refer to rant, above)

WINNER
Beck -- "Morning Phase"
MY PREDICTION:
Beyonce. Bow down, bitches. Bow, bow down, bitches.

Song Of The Year

WINNER
Sam Smith -- "Stay With Me" [Darkchild Version]
MY PREDICTION:
Sam Smith will probably run with this one, unless Hozier pulls a Gotye. Not likely. I kind of love that damn church song though.

Best New Artist

WINNER
Sam Smith
MY PREDICTION:
There's no way in hell they will pick HAIM for this. Sam Smith.

Best Pop Solo Performance

WINNER
Pharrell Williams -- "Happy"
MY PREDICTION:
I really think this is Sam Smith's year to sweep, although that Pharrell song was a hit across generations of music lovers.

Best Pop Duo/ Group Performance

WINNER
A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera -- "Say Something"
MY PREDICTION:
This is a tough one! Seriously! Katy Perry (barf) or Iggy will probably take it. "Bang Bang" is the most fun of all of these, and "Say Something" is the prettiest. Do I have to pick just one? Just don't give it to Coldplay, and we should be alright.

Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album

WINNER
Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga -- "Cheek To Cheek"
MY PREDICTION:
This category is hilarious to me, mostly because Lady Gaga is part of it. I have no idea how this will go, and I do not really care.

Best Pop Vocal Album

WINNER
Sam Smith -- "In The Lonely Hour"
MY PREDICTION:
If we are speaking strictly in terms of pop vocals here (as we should be), then Ariana Grande or Sam Smith should win, as they are obviously the most talented vocalists in this category. Sam Smith will take it.

Best Dance/ Electronic Album

WINNER
Aphex Twin -- "Syro"
MY PREDICTION:
Aphex Twin or Deadmau5. I think Deadmau5 may take it, but Aphex Twin should. However, I like none of these. Sorry to all the Aphex Twin obsessed, it's just how I feel!

Best Rock Performance

WINNER
Jack White -- "Lazaretto"
MY PREDICTION:
I think this could go one of three ways. The Black Keys, Jack, or Arctic Monkeys. Beck got a lot of attention for his most recent album. He made lots of "Best of" lists for 2014. But in my opinion, we didn't need another Sea Change from Beck. Basically, if they decide to give this to Beck or Ryan Adams (oh how I hate Ryan Adams), then I give up.

Best Metal Performance

WINNER
Tenacious D -- "The Last In Line" It's hilarious that Grammy voters think Tenacious D is metal, but good for them.
MY PREDICTION:
No clue. Eh....Motorhead? So few voters will actually make an educated vote in this category. Tenacious D is my favorite of these, but I haven't heard anything since Kielbasa Sausage.

Best Rock Song

WINNER
Hayley Williams & Taylor York (songwriters) -- "Ain't It Fun" (Paramore)
MY PREDICTION:
It'll go to The Black Keys or Jack White. It should be The Black Keys. Sorry, Jack White obsessors.

Best Rock Album

WINNER
Beck -- "Morning Phase"
MY PREDICTION:
Black Keys.

**** The MOST IMPORTANT CATEGORY!!!! Best Alternative Music Album ****

WINNER
St. Vincent -- "St. Vincent"
MY PREDICTION:
I am really torn in this category. When I heard my BFF St. Vincent was nominated, I was sure she would take it. Now, looking at the other nominees, I am not so sure. She SHOULD win. No contest. The Arcade Fire album was meh, but they've won before. Jack White? Yeah, alright, you're prolific and interesting...but dude, you're no Annie Clark. If Alt-J or Cage the Elephant are even considered, then I suspect they've just started pulling names out of a hat.

My prediction: St. Vincent. I believe!!!

Best R&B Performance

WINNER
Beyoncé ft. Jay Z -- "Drunk in Love"
MY PREDICTION:
Give it to Beyonce.

Best R&B Song

WINNER
Shawn Carter, Rasool Diaz, Noel Fisher, Jerome Harmon, Beyoncé Knowles, Timothy Mosely, Andre Eric Proctor & Brian Soko (songwriters) -- "Drunk in Love" (Beyoncé ft. Jay Z)
MY PREDICTION:
Give it to Beyonce. She deserves 3 stacks.

Best Urban Contemporary Album

WINNER
Pharrell Williams -- "G I R L"
MY PREDICTION:
Urban Contemporary. Okay. For this euphemistic category, I pick Beyonce or Pharrell. Beyonce should win everything all the time.

Best R&B Album

WINNER
Toni Braxton & Babyface -- "Love, Marriage & Divorce"
MY PREDICTION:
I think it'll go to Toni Braxton & Babyface on name recognition alone, but Sharon Jones should win it.

Best Rap Performance

WINNER:
Kendrick Lamar -- "I"
MY PREDICTION:
Kendrick should win all the awards. Will he? I don't think he cares, but I do, dammit! Give it to him! PLEASE!!!!

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration

WINNER:
Eminem ft. Rihanna -- "The Monster"
MY PREDICTION:
Eminem and Rihanna will probably nab this.

Best Rap Song

WINNER:
K.Duckworth & C. Smith (songwriters) -- "I" (Kendrick Lamar)
MY PREDICTION:
Please let Kendrick take this one. If only for the fact that he has the fewest number of writers (tied with Wiz).

Best Rap Album

WINNER:
Eminem -- "The Marshall Mathers LP2"
MY PREDICTION:
Granted, the noms may not be that amazing this year, but if Iggy takes this category after last year's Macklemore debacle, I may vomit in my mouth a bit. However....my prediction...Iggy will take it. I can feel the bile rising in my throat. If I am wrong, I will rejoice. Now excuse me while I listen to "Black Widow" on repeat while I run on the treadmill....

Best Country Solo Performance

WINNER:
Carrie Underwood -- "Something In the Water"
MY PREDICTION:
Carrie or Miranda.

Best Country Duo/Group Performance

WINNER
The Band Perry -- "Gentle On My Mind"
MY PREDICTION:
The Band Perry or Miranda/Carrie.

Best Country Song

WINNER:
Glen Campbell -- "I'm Not Gonna Miss You"
MY PREDICTION:
HA HA! No clue! I'll go with the only woman in the category, just because.

Best Country Album

WINNER:
Miranda Lambert -- "Platinum"
MY PREDICTION:
Let's just pretend that Miranda Lambert wins all of them and that I have some semblance of a clue what I'm talking about.

And that's it for this year's GRAMMYs! It's been fun, kids.

* I feel like I just need to clarify that Beyonce couldn't be on any Best of lists of 2014 because the album was technically released in 2013, too late for GRAMMY consideration last year, but in the game for this year. This only deserves a small footnote.

** I also think the split vote is why Beck won Best Rock Album. Too many people are Black Keys AND Jack White fans. Even though The Black Keys and Jack White hate each other. Funny, huh?