The GRAMMYS 2014

I’ve read a lot of reviews of the Grammys. All of them are different depending on who you are and where you are coming from. I have agreed with some parts of every review I’ve read, and disagreed with a lot of it. So now I give you the only review that actually matters and is 100% correct. Mine! What follows are FACTS, not opinions, people!

So I went over to my brother Ryan’s house to watch, since I don’t have cable. He and I and his girlfriend Suzy watched together while Noah was mostly bored (he did kind of like Imagine Dragons and Macklemore, even though he won’t admit it. It’s something Mom likes so it must be totally stupid). Let’s get the negatives out of the way first….


Taylor Swift:

Suzy: “I didn’t know she played piano.”

Me: “Well it’s not like she’s playing it that well.”

Which is exactly how I feel about everything she does. Suzy also coined the term “backwards head-banging” for whatever that weirdness was she was doing with her hair. Also, WHY does she feel the need to stand through the other performances and sing along, sometimes incorrectly, to everything? Just watch the show and have respect for your fellow performers. Annoying.

Hunter Hayes: Who? And...why? He was singing out of his neck the entire time, which Ryan pointed out. I kinda tried to stick up for him a bit, because I know that no performance can ever be perfect and that performing on the Grammys for the first time has to be intimidating (I would shit my pants.) but he was just not good. Not a great singer, not a great song. Forgettable.

NIN/QOTSA rock out: Admittedly, I missed this because I had to head home with the kiddo. I heard they got cut off and that Trent Reznor gave a big fuck you to the Grammy peeps. Well, what do you expect? Don’t cut off Trent Reznor!!


Beyonce and Jay-Z: I was not totally wowed by this performance, but I will never say a bad word about the royalty that is Bey and Z. Also, everyone now wants to be married to one or the other of them, or at least have their own less famous relationship be half as cool.

Ringo and Paul: I thought Paul’s performance was great. Fun, light-hearted, pretty entertaining. Very Paul. Kinda funny that Ringo wasn’t exactly the drummer in that performance...and Ringo’s solo singing thing...we coulda skipped that. Ryan chimed in with an old quote of Paul’s. Something like:

Interviewer: Paul, do you think Ringo is the best drummer in the world?

Paul: I don’t think Ringo is the best drummer in The Beatles. (I think this was said in jest, but it is APT.)

Pink and fun.: She’s done the acrobatic thing before...but it’s still cool. Impressive that she can still sing so well while she does all that stuff. She must do it on her tour (has anyone seen her on tour that can confirm this?) because she seems very well practiced. When fun. came in kinda ruined it for me. I’m actually more of a fun. fan than a Pink fan, but...doesn’t dude from fun. usually sound better when he sings? He was blowin’ it and she was killin’ it.

The country legends: I was admittedly not paying much attention during this performance (I was also doing laundry at the time. Multi-tasking!) but I liked what I did see and I think it’s a cool concept. I got respect.


Lorde: If you know me, you know I’m a fan. Oh, you live on the Earth too? Cool. Then you should already know that, first of all, yeah, she is a WEIRDO. And damn if I don’t love her for it. I have to constantly remind myself that she is only 16 and has been performing live for less than a year. How was she not terrified? I kind of wish she would’ve done a different song, even though I understand and accept that everyone knows and loves ‘Royals’. Regardless, she did a good job with it. She’s definitely an original, that one.

Metallica and Lang Lang: ‘One’ is, of course, one of the greatest Metallica songs of all time. I do not totally understand why this song was played for the Lou Reed tribute, but regardless, it rocked. All of them sounded great. That song is 26 years old or something like that (Jeez, I guess that means I’m old) and they still sound amazing playing it. The first time I saw them perform that song live, I was 16 years old. I am 33. It sounded just as good but BETTER because, hello?? Lang Lang? Very cool addition. Loved it.

Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar: I think Imagine Dragons are one-hit-wonders, but damn if that isn’t a really good song. They rocked it out, and for once, I actually really liked the Grammy mash-up with Kendrick Lamar. I thought that was the most clever pairing of the night. Imagine Dragons may end up as one-hit-wonders, but Kendrick Lamar will be around for awhile and deserves more recognition than he received that night.

Sara Bareilles and Carole King: I think that Sara Bareilles is one of the strongest vocalists currently performing. The collaboration with Carole King was close to flawless (although Ryan did have to point out the ONE bad note Sara hit), unlike previous present/past pairings like, oh, I don’t know….Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks? FYI, Taylor Swift always makes my BAD list.

John Legend: I fall in love with him whenever I see him perform. Some critics have called this performance “boring” because it was just his voice and a piano. Who cares?? That’s all he needs! He can actually sing! And he doesn’t need fancy light shows and dancers when he exudes charm like that.

Kacey Musgraves: A lot of people have told me I would be a fan of hers if I checked her out, but I haven’t taken the time to do so because she is pop country and I have a terrible habit of writing off any new pop country as bad. I really liked her. Was her performance show stopping? No. But her lyrics were cool, original, quirky, and very progressive for country. She was adorable too. And her boots lit up! Funsies.

Daft Punk: Predictably amazing. Because Duh. Stevie Wonder? Dude. Double amazing.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis: That was NOT predictable. I did NOT see that mass wedding coming (even though it had already been reported that they were going to do that. I guess I missed that memo). I wept. But I weep whenever I hear that damn ‘Same Love’ song. I think this was the highlight of the show….until Madonna limped out. Unnecessary and distracting.

...And here is where I talk about what everyone else is talking about: the controversy of Macklemore sweeping the hip hop categories. So, apparently some of the Grammy peeps were trying to keep him out of those categories (side note: Lorde was strategically kept out of the Best New Artist category as well. Score one more for Macklemore). I see why. I also see why that was overturned and he was allowed on the ballots. I also understand why he won. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t like Macklemore. I do. I like his hits. So does Noah. Is there a person in the world who doesn’t like the song ‘Thrift Shop’? I mean, come on. I do not necessarily like his entire album though, so I do not understand why the Heist won best Rap album. Because you know who actually released really great rap albums this year? All the other nominees in that category (Kanye West, Jay-Z, Kendrick Lamar and Drake). Apparently Macklemore texted Kendrick Lamar after the show, apologizing for “robbing him” of that award. Nice gesture. But why do we know about it? Because Macklemore posted a screen shot of the text on Instagram. Kendrick didn’t post it. Macklemore did. Hmmmmm…..I’m not impressed. I don’t care how pro-marriage equality you are (because you know who else is pro-marriage equality? All. The other. Nominees). What am I saying? Am I saying the Grammys are racist? Or that the world is racist? Hey man, I’m just talking about the music. Ahem, moving on…….

All in all, I thought it was a decent show. It’s never great anymore, but it wasn’t terrible. I’ll continue to watch it every single year, even if the artists I really love never win anything (I’m talking about the under-represented, way more talented, way more innovative, way more creative “independent” artists). That’s it! Oh, did I forget Katy Perry? Oh well…..